Get Out!

It’s grey, not pink, that’s a bit of a shock

But now that it’s out let’s see what we’ve got

Too many, too much, I’ll make a big pile

Sifting through this could take quite a long while

Small heaps perhaps to the left and the right

The good and the bad, the dark and the light

This one is sadness, it must belong there

Along with contrition, pain and despair

This is a memory of happiness lost

Where do I put it? Shouldn’t it be tossed?

Or kept in a pile with hope and a dream

Of a ghost’s soft reproach ‘Carpe Diem’

Arranged before me, they’re not as I thought

A mountain on one side; how hard I fought

To hold an echo and hoard the shadows

A mound on the other, the things I chose

To leave in the light, hoping they would grow

Hope is the first, a sprout, starting to show

Joy is there too but a almost unrecognised

Love their companion albeit disguised

Now to decide, what to keep, what is thrown?

What goes back? Good or bad it’s all I’ve known

For so long, same thoughts again and again

It’s not so easy to clean out my brain.

The last few days have been pretty grim. Maybe it’s because Valentine’s day is just round the corner, maybe it’s because grief just decides to beat the crap out of you sometimes, I honestly don’t know but sadness is just eating away at me. I’ve spent the last 5 years finding coping mechanisms to stay strong and keep positive, to enjoy each day as it comes but, right now, I have negative thoughts chasing around my head like puppies on speed.

This morning I thought how wonderful it would be if I could just take out my brain, give it a good shake and get rid of all the negative shit that seems to be clogging it up – hence this poem. Have you ever felt like that? I’d love to hear from you if you have.

Lisa x

  31 comments for “Get Out!

  1. February 12, 2019 at 8:52 am

    I felt like that for years on end..you don’t have control over when it comes and goes..as to positive or negative who is to say feelings are just feelings its just we dont like the really painful ones so we learn to deflect and deny but sometimes that doesn’t work. The psyche has its own timing. I can only say I hear you…loss like youve been through is very painful..Sending you love and a big hug. 🤗🤗🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. February 12, 2019 at 9:00 am

    How convenient it would be if we could do this. I go through the negative emotions and thoughts on a daily basis. I try to sort them out by thinking what can be done about that particular problem or thought. If I feel I can do something practically, I do that and if it’s out of my control I just pray to God to take care of it for me!

    Liked by 3 people

    • February 12, 2019 at 9:40 am

      That’s a good way of looking at it Sadje; I wish I had your faith, it must be very comforting xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 12, 2019 at 9:56 am

        It is and I developed it when I had a rough time growing up without a mom. It’s been my mainstay all through the challenges of life!

        Liked by 1 person

      • February 12, 2019 at 9:58 am

        I’m happy for you that you have something so strong to hold on to xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • February 12, 2019 at 10:32 am

        Thanks 🙏

        Liked by 1 person

  3. blindzanygirl
    February 12, 2019 at 9:15 am

    Furst,y, an absolutely brilliant poem Lisa. Secondlly, but maybe it should have been first, I am SO sorry you are going through all this. Grief has a habit of popping up any old time, even years later. It has with me, so I know. It comes in waves that nearly flatten you.

    I just want to say big hugs and I understand. No platitudes. It’s SHIT and that is that. Yes, it is happening to me too, right now. Big time. On Sunday it knocked me RIGHT down. But somehow or other I managed to get up again. Found something new to do. Put a poem of mine on Sound Cloud, then a humoroys piece. And today another humorous puece. I then posted them in here. It kept me gling. Dudn’t take away the pain. But it helped a bit. Then last night I “watched” Mooji on the internet. A Guru in India. That gave me a feeling of peace. But I didn’t sleep. I guess I am now getting hyper active as a coping mechanism. Kind of to try and drive the demons out. So, there you go Lisa. You are very very honest. Thankyou. It means we can be honest too. Oh, and the other thing that I did was start writing my story, whilst unable to sleep and in the muddle of the pain. That helped, but I don’t want to write any mire right now. Maybe another time when the pain really floors me. Take care Lisa, and big big hugs xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    • February 12, 2019 at 9:43 am

      Yes, you’re right Lorraine, it is shit and I’m sorry that you’re going through it too. I’m glad you’ve found ways to drive out your demons. Love and hugs back at you xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • blindzanygirl
        February 12, 2019 at 9:50 am

        Not sure the demons have been driven out. Maybe just covered over with ither things, CAN we ever drive them out, do you think? Or do we just try to neutralise them or use them positively? I just don’t know. Hmmm. I do hope you can feel a bit better soon, in whatever way you can find.

        Liked by 1 person

      • February 12, 2019 at 9:56 am

        I honestly don’t know Lorraine – I’d like to think that we can but I’m not sure how – they’re tricky little bastards xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • blindzanygirl
        February 12, 2019 at 10:00 am

        I know. Kick ‘em up the backside!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Roger Westlake
    February 12, 2019 at 10:15 am

    I can’t make it better but I can send you a big hug XX

    Liked by 2 people

  5. February 12, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    I love the idea of taking out the brain and giving it a good shake. It then needs a long rinse under the cold tap to wake it up to all the good things of life. A good cry, a good laugh, a little hysteria, a smidgin of self pity, but only a minuscule amount, no regret whatsoever, a good pinch of stupidity, and half a cup of gin. Give it all a good stir, apart from the gin – that’s for drinking! Shake out the mixture on to the ground and jump up and down on it while swearing every swear word you can think of, and then some. Go and stroke a cat, or a dog, or a horse, and hug a tree. Tell the tree all of your thoughts, and leave them with tree. It will deal with the lot and turn them into new life.

    Guaranteed to work, or I shall enter a monastery!

    xx

    Like

  6. Boo
    February 12, 2019 at 3:49 pm

    Did you buy yourself a rose? Did you get a box of chocolates? Because you are worth it. I know how hard it is. Been doing this myself for the last 4 years. Do something that makes you feel good. Start a ladies night. Sending you hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 12, 2019 at 3:52 pm

      No but I did go to Aubade and bought myself some ridiculously expensive underwear today and it did make me feel good as it’s just for me 😊
      I know you have and I know you understand so your comment and your hugs really mean a lot. Thanks Boo 😊 xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Boo
        February 12, 2019 at 4:04 pm

        YES!!!! Good for you!!!

        This year I may be giving someone ELSE the fun heart things……

        Liked by 1 person

      • February 12, 2019 at 4:06 pm

        That’s great news! Really happy for you 😊 xx

        Liked by 1 person

  7. February 12, 2019 at 9:39 pm

    I prescribe chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. With an ice cream chaser. Mmm.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. February 13, 2019 at 1:24 am

    A beautiful poem.
    I wish I had a magic elixir for what you’re going through but of course I don’t.
    Know this, I admire your strength

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 13, 2019 at 6:18 am

      Ah bless you Billy, thanks so much for your kind words :O) xx

      Like

  9. February 13, 2019 at 7:23 am

    Answering your question: Every. Single. Day.

    I wish I could do like you… take my brain (and my heart too… why not throw that in there) and just give it a good shake… or two. 😊

    I’m learning that some days are easier than others. We can go through a phase where we are doing just great. Nothing seems to get us down and we have accepted the losses, the hurts, the past and the present for what they are… but then there are those days when everything just sort of hits you at once. It’s like you’re caught off guard and you don’t know what to do, but sit there and feel every emotion. It’s okay, though. I like to think it reminds me that I’m not a super human. I will cry. I will hurt. I will miss people and I will grieve at times when I try so hard not to. It just shows me my mind and heart are working like they are SUPPOSED to. 😉

    I hope things get easier as time goes by for you, Lisa. I know that this time of the year can be rough on so many missing a loved one. Sending you a bunch of hugs, my dear friend… and I’ll throw in a bear hug too… just because! ❤️ xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 13, 2019 at 8:21 am

      I love your comment so much Brandi – ” It just shows me my mind and heart are working like they are SUPPOSED to” This is both comforting and inspiring, thanks so much! Thanks for the bear hug too and sending one back at you :O) xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 13, 2019 at 8:30 am

        You are so very welcome, my dear friend! Glad I could provide a little comfort and inspiration along the way. Thank you for the beautiful bear hug, Lisa! xx 🤗

        Liked by 1 person

  10. February 17, 2019 at 6:02 am

    Definitely, I felt like that. It’s an essential part of life… So we have it….
    I think you should not take it too seriously… Let it happen.
    Keep calm and eat chocolates…
    ☺☺🤗😘❤…

    Liked by 1 person

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