Lost

Stumbling in the half light, trying to find the path

Where a foal once led my inner child, sure footed

Don’t look back, therein lies the darkness, she implored

My inner child let go a silent tear, I turned

Away from her. My foal would guard her innocence

As they waited for my return to the sunlight

Until then the shadows beckon, corrosive gloom

Familiar. You wait there but no longer there

Slowly fading. I search blindly, seeing no end

But needing to look. Why can’t I see anymore?

Hands outstretched, desperate to feel your loving touch

 I hear no sound, no calling voice to guide me back

A scent so longed for dissipated, nothing there

At once light steps in the distance distract my mind

Foal and inner child can wait no more so they come

We will meet again in joyful reunion,

They will not scold, the pull of the darkness stays strong

But I will still regret the hours, days far away

Lost.

 

Lisa x

  18 comments for “Lost

  1. blindzanygirl
    November 6, 2018 at 9:48 am

    Lisa, this is SO sad but so beautiful. I feel it with you. An incredible poem. I live the foal. Have you ever read a book calked ‘Soul Craft”? I am reading it now, and it talks about your inner animal (at least I think that is what it means – your animal Guide) and it is a beautiful book. It has helped me no end. I couldn’t work out what my animal was, but then I thought of the horse, and then the deer, and I relate to both. But you can have mire than one. Lovely if sad poem Lisa x

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 6, 2018 at 10:43 am

      Thanks Lorraine, I figured that you would understand. I haven’t read that book but I’ll definitely check it out. I absolutely love horses and they cropped up in the therapy sessions I had after I lost my husband. The therapist linked the idea of an inner child and a foal and it all sort of stemmed from that.
      How’re you doing today my friend? xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • blindzanygirl
        November 6, 2018 at 11:13 am

        Oh Lisa. How beautiful, about the foal. Oh how I WISH we could sit and talk together. Soul Craft is by a man called Plotkin. I think it is Bill but not certain. I found it at the time when my priest and my church rejected me because of how I am. I have been like a leper for a long time now, but I tried to keep going because I still had a faith. Not in some kind of magical God though. Certainly not the conventional God. But it was still a faith. Iwas utterly bereft and suucidal. I had list my very bedrock. And the one or two kind of friends that I had at that church. I could not find another church that was accessible to two wheelchairs or that suited my wirkdvuewm so Iwas jyst SO bereft, sych GRIEF, since it was only my faith that kept me going through my cancer. But nit the nagical kind. I knew I could easily die. No one promised me I would luve. But anyway, here I am, aluve, but like this, and a leper! Someone to be put away and shut out of view soas not to spoil the luves of the fit snd healthy ones.

        In that terrible darkness both of being blind, whuch was phtsical, and emotional and spiritual darkness, I did not know how I was going to go on. That was only a few weeks ago. But I still churned out poems of light quite often because somewhere deep inside me is still the lught.

        I found this book. It changed my lufe. It us about leaving home – for me the church was my home. Getting rid of things. Going into the wilderness where you cast off e erything that you don’t need, finding there, your true soul.

        He talks about talking to animals. Drum teancing (weird, I know, but you only have to takewhat you like from it). Being in touch with nature. Well, I have always felt nature deep in my soul. Some ppl go phtsically into the wilderness, but I can’t do that, though I would gave done it had I been well. So I do it in my spirit. I have a kind of hermitage. I found it in the graveyard where my Uncle us buried who saw the. Eautiful Lady,and, there, I have reconnected with my childhood, and possibly my inner child, kr at least u corpirated her unto my being. It is a journey. I do not yet know where it will lead, or how it will end. I have various other places where I go. Isolated ones. And I commune with nature. Nature is now my altar, and if I wanted to I could offer the. Read and the Zwine that the church refused to give to me, on the altar of nature, and be fed.

        I would LOVE tovwrite all thus down properly, but it is getting it together properly!

        The book might be i teresting to you Lusa, ir it mught not. He taljs about dream work too, and jyst lots and lots of other things. Let me know if you think it might appeal to you! Lots of love to you xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      • November 6, 2018 at 11:23 am

        I wish we could sit down and chat too – I think that we’d be there for a while ;O)
        I can’t imagine what it would be like to be rejected by your Church like that and I do wonder at the hypocrisy of the professed Christians that caused you so much pain! How you manage to stay positive in light of all you have to face is amazing and it goes to show how incredibly strong you are.
        For what it’s worth I think that nature is a far more worthy place to worship than any church and I’m glad that you’ve found places where you can feel peaceful
        You should definitely write all this down – one step at a time, as and when you feel the urge. It might be muddled in the beginning but once it’s all down you can put it into order.
        The book does sound interesting; I am open to anything that could help ;O)
        Love and hugs to you too :O) xx

        Like

      • blindzanygirl
        November 6, 2018 at 11:31 am

        Oh nature certainly IS better than any church. I have always thought that but I guess it had become so much part of me that I could not let it go. But always, I railed st the hypocrisy of it. Nature is pure and honest. Lisa we should get together and do our trance drumming and our trance dancing and just let ourselves go wild lol. I dud not take everything up in the book but I always wanted to play the drums lol so now I play an old biscuit tin. Ha! And dancing and rhythm is right up my street but one woman talked to a bear in the wilderness that was about to eat her lol. I don’t really fancy that. I will stuck with my budgie lol xoxo our

        Liked by 1 person

      • November 6, 2018 at 11:33 am

        That sounds like so much fun, I like a good boogie and I’ve always wanted to play the drums :O) I’ve just ordered the book so I’ll let you know how I get on. xxxx

        Like

      • blindzanygirl
        November 6, 2018 at 11:39 am

        Brilliant Lisa. I think I might be getting a set of real drums lol. When I get going you might hear them right over in France lol. I am wondering what clothes to wear with my new Self . Ha! Maybe none at all! Oh wait – winter us coming g. Maybe not!

        Liked by 1 person

      • November 6, 2018 at 11:57 am

        Go for it! I think that’s a wonderful idea! For a drummer? Rock t-Shirt, grungy jeans and a bandanna for sure ;O) xx

        Like

      • blindzanygirl
        November 6, 2018 at 12:00 pm

        Oh lol Lisa. The beans wouldn’t be very comfy in a wheelchair sadly so I tend to wear loose gateman pants and yes I do have bandanas. He ga

        Liked by 1 person

      • November 6, 2018 at 12:04 pm

        That would work ;O) x

        Like

      • blindzanygirl
        November 6, 2018 at 12:05 pm

        Ok. Done! Xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. November 6, 2018 at 11:59 am

    So beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. November 7, 2018 at 9:52 am

    I once saw a foal being born in a paddock. I’ve never forgotten it just as I’ve never forgotten the path to childhood which your poem evokes.. The gate can so easily close and to use your wonderful phrase the ‘corrosive gloom’ can take over. Thanks for commenting on my poem. It lifted my spirits 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 7, 2018 at 10:17 am

      That must have been a wonderful experience John, no wonder it stuck with you.
      Yes, as you say, it’s easy to close this gate behind us.
      You’re most welcome :O) x

      Liked by 1 person

  4. November 7, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Ei I like the quote on your photo 👌

    Liked by 1 person

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