Time to Put on My Big Girl Panties…

One foot in, then the other and hoist! Hard! You know that your mental health is not what it should be when you start wishing that you were a fictional TV lawyer and your comfort zone feels like a prison; well, I say ‘ENOUGH!’ Sorry to yell like that but I need to be shouting this from the rooftops because I am getting on my own last nerve at the moment. When you don’t like your own company, you know it’s time for a change…

Instead of writing about the negative shit that I’ve been feeling lately (which I am sure contributes to the miseries), I am going to use this post to kick myself up the arse until I am back at the fork in the road again and can start walking on the path that leads to happiness. Here goes:

FearThe only thing that stops you having the life you want is fear and what is fear? It’s nothing more than a chemical reaction to the pictures that your imagination creates. That’s the equivalent of being scared by a movie for God’s sake! The really daft thing about it is that you don’t even have to watch the movie, you’ve written the script and chosen the images so change them! You are not Mystic Meg, you have no idea what the future will bring: essentially, you are scared of something which does not yet exist…….

The headaches, tiredness, tension in your shoulders? All caused by stress and stress is nothing more than worrying about something that may or may not happen. How will that serve you? Life will throw things at you, both good and bad, deal with them head on. Don’t waste time analysing and over-thinking because that will change diddly squat; it’s your actions that matter.

The fluttering in your stomach, heart beating faster? Those are the physical manifestations of fear BUT they are also the physical manifestations of excitement; you get EXACTLY those feelings when you’re having the time of your life on a jet ski or a motorbike; accept them as such. You are not scared of meeting new people or having new experiences, you are excited by it!

mind-reader-i-am-notIf you meet someone new and they don’t like you,Β  so what? It doesn’t mean that you are not fundamentally likeable, it’s just that you haven’t made a good connection with another human being. Why worry about it, there are another 7.5 billion other humans out there, go and make a connection with one of them. Anyway, why do you worry so much about what other people might think? You can’t know because you’re not a mind reader, you just imagine their thoughts based on your own negative self image. All this low self-esteem nonsense doesn’t come from other people, it comes from you; you don’t think you’re worth it, you don’t really like yourself so why should anyone else? Well, you know what? You are all you’re going to get, there isn’t another you on standby so focus on the good stuff….(this is the hard bit, deep breath)………

You are kind, intelligent, funny, compassionate, loyal and sincere. You have a beautiful smile. You are affectionate. You are loveable. You were loved by the most wonderful man in the World because you are worth loving. You are generous. You have an infectious laugh. You’re a good writer. You are honest. For all these reasons and more, you deserve to be happy; let yourself be happy Lisa…..

If you try something new you might not like it………..and? What’s worse – trying something new and not enjoying it or sitting around, feeling miserable and waiting for someone else to hand you a happy life on a plate? It doesn’t work like that Lisa, the only person who can change the way that you’re feeling at the moment is you! Stop hiding behind the excuses ‘I’m shy’, ‘I don’t have any self-confidence’, ‘I’m grieving’ because they are just that, they are things you tell yourself to justify your fears.

At the root of all of it, the fear of people leaving you because loss is what started all this in the first place. Think about this logically: if you don’t get close to anyone because you’re scared you’ll end up alone aren’t you creating a self-fulfilling prophesy? You push people away and hide from the World – that’s called being alone and it’s your choice but it’s not what you want so STOP IT!! Open up, be vulnerable, be yourself, love other people and let them love you, yes they may leave but they may not and, at the very least, you can enjoy the time that you spend with them NOW.

AcceptHere’s a final reminder before I kick your backside out the front door and into a better life: You don’t do regret,Β you never have because you can’t see any point in it. You can’t change the past, you did what you did and said what you said and that’s that.Β  So here’s my question for you: do you want to get to the end of your life, which could be in 20 years time or in the next 5 minutes, and think ‘I wish I had’? No? Didn’t think so……

This post was prompted by 3 things:

A comment from my lovely friend Tom

A comment from my best friend Will

A comment from the voice in my head (stop being so fucking miserable, in case you were wondering).

The desire to change my life, for the better, stemmed from words; they have such power don’t they? It’s just a case of knowing which ones to listen to….

I’m going to enjoy my day to day and I hope that you do the same :O)

Lisa x

 

 

 

  47 comments for “Time to Put on My Big Girl Panties…

  1. blindzanygirl
    September 21, 2018 at 8:03 am

    Fear doors terrible things Lisa. More later. My battery is running out lol

    Liked by 3 people

    • September 21, 2018 at 8:28 am

      You’re right it does Lorraine. No worries – laters :O) xx

      Like

  2. Liz
    September 21, 2018 at 8:03 am

    Don’t be anybody else – be you. I love YOU! As a friend, as a confidante and as YOU! Don’t ever change xxx

    Liked by 3 people

  3. September 21, 2018 at 8:54 am

    This is one of the first blogs that I have read from you, and I have to just tell you that as I’m going down the page reading in my head I’m screaming, β€œYES GIRL!”
    Don’t ever let anything be a regret, even if it’s hard. Life is going to throw all kinds of bullshit at you to see what you can handle, and by the looks of it… you got this!

    Liked by 4 people

  4. September 21, 2018 at 9:45 am

    I’ve jumped a lot puddles Lisa, tried to hurdle fences too high for me, there was always fear within, always stress, and that awful feeling of failing. But something inside me said keep jumping, and I suppose I just started doing one little jump at a time, …….. https://ivors20.wordpress.com/2018/06/25/this-fence-2/

    Liked by 3 people

    • September 21, 2018 at 2:15 pm

      Yes I think that’s it exactly – keep jumping 😊 thanks for sending the link, your poem was beautiful xx

      Like

      • September 21, 2018 at 5:27 pm

        Thank you for reading Lisa, it’s one of my earliest poem’s, I suppose about 18 years ago πŸ˜€

        Liked by 2 people

      • September 21, 2018 at 6:40 pm

        Honestly I really enjoyed it 😊 xxx

        Like

  5. September 21, 2018 at 11:01 am

    Great post! I really like your attitude.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. September 21, 2018 at 2:16 pm

    Awesome! And you’ve helped me to overcome a bit of fear and trepidation myself today. One turn deserves another in this crazy little thing called life. Thank you, Lisa, and good luck with your first daring task today!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. September 21, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    Thanks, Lisa! This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I always love reading your posts!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. September 21, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    What an absolutely, bloomin’ fantastic, bit of blogging this is Lisa. Good advice for you, for me, and for everyone, because we all are so good at convincing ourselves we are useless, or ugly, or fat, or thick, or any one of the thousand things we can worry needlessly about. I’ve said for a very long time that regret is a wasted emotion, and so I do not recognise it any more. It still lingers around though, and tries to sneak back occasionally. Jump on that hobby horse of yours and shout “bollocks” at the top of your voice. Hugs to you by the barrow load!

    Liked by 3 people

    • September 21, 2018 at 3:34 pm

      Thank you my friend and I will assuredly be shouting bollocks at the top of my voice the next time those fears come calling. Huge hugs to you too Peter 😊 xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

  9. blindzanygirl
    September 21, 2018 at 4:19 pm

    Oh wow! There’s LOADS I could say to this Lisa. It is alk SO TRUE. Talk about FEAR! I was a big one for it. Then the thing that I feated most in life hapoened to me, and I HAD to deal with it. I was always one for finding loopholes – escape routes, ways round or out. But thus time there was NO ESCAPING. I TRIED to, in my mind, but I cluldn’t. Dud I want to LIVE or DIE?

    Well, you know what it was, don’t you! Anyone who follows my Blog will. Oh YES – fear as big as, well, whatever you can think of! BUT, I realise that fear is really a desire or need not to lose control. This is our biggest fear of all, and letting go of that is hard. It’s all about TRUST, in my humble opinion. To let go of fear is to TRUST. It can be hard when life has taught you hard things. It was for me. But in the end, what do we have to lose? For myself, I had to step out of my safe boat (although even that was far from safe now) and just start WALKING. Trust. Not physical walking of course, but mental and emotional walking. Oh BOY, was it hard! But I did it. And here I am, alive to tell the tale. And in fact, GLAD it happened to me because I flund I was stronger than I thought I was. I was prlud of. Yself in the end. So I endorse all that you say !usa. Here’s to us ALL, getting out of pur little boats. Drinky poos now eh?

    Liked by 2 people

    • September 21, 2018 at 5:02 pm

      Lorraine that was just brilliant! I am mentally applauding you and sending the biggest virtual hug you’ve ever had in your life! Yes yes yes you are right, it’s all about letting go of control – that is such a revelation and you my friend are a massive inspiration. Yes definitely on for a very large drinky poo 😊😊 xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • blindzanygirl
        September 22, 2018 at 6:30 am

        Aww. Bless you Lisa. Thankyou. And the hug was MUcH needed. But the drinky poos was good too xoxo

        Liked by 2 people

      • September 22, 2018 at 6:40 am

        You’re welcome, you OK hon? xxx

        Like

  10. September 22, 2018 at 12:24 am

    After reading all of the comments there is very little left to say except fear sucks, living in fear sucks and it serves 0 purpose except to bring on more fear…………Incredible post my dear………you have been such a huge inspiration to me.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. September 23, 2018 at 12:32 am

    Great post 😁

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Simone
    September 23, 2018 at 6:15 am

    Love this post Lisa!! My doctor recently said that fear is a paper tiger. I liked that. For me, learning to give up control is a really hard thing. I’m trying though! Thank you for being vulnerable; it reminds me that it’s okay for me to be vulnerable, people won’t necessarily run away if I show weakness. Us humans are funny creatures, aren’t we! xo

    Liked by 2 people

    • September 23, 2018 at 6:28 am

      A paper tiger? Yes, I like that too :O).
      No, I think that you’re right, most people will not run if we show our vulnerability but, as you say, it’s just learning to let go.
      We are indeed :O) xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  13. September 23, 2018 at 12:11 pm

    This is such a great and positive post! Very inspiring Lisa!

    Liked by 2 people

  14. September 26, 2018 at 9:10 am

    πŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  15. September 30, 2018 at 8:41 am

    I learned the other day that the three brain chemicals associated with fear are the same exact three brain chemicals associated with excitement. As you observe in your post, the only difference is in how we interpret our feelings, not the feelings themselves. So the next time you’re scared of something, try telling yourself every few minutes that you’re excited, rather than scared. At least, that was the recommendation I was given.

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 30, 2018 at 9:55 am

      Yes i got the same recommendation and, for the most part, it does actually work. Thanks so much for your comment Paul 😊

      Like

  16. October 9, 2018 at 6:13 pm

    There are no regrets – Just lessons learned.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. October 11, 2018 at 3:05 am

    I have always loved this quote from the book, Advice from a Failure by Jo Coudert, former actress and writer: “Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution.” We learn this along the way, and remember, it is the journey of life, and along the way, we are bound to encounter some roadblocks, u-turns, and or perhaps even unfinished roads. But we keep going anyway, and yes, sometimes it is really scary, but we find a way to make that u-turn, manipulate around the roadblocks, and bump our ways over the unfinished roads. Once we have conquered one of our challenges, it will never be a problem for us again because we will remember what we did to stop it before. Good luck on this road to life. I have been on it for many a long year, and now in the winter of my life at almost 77 next month, I am still standing. You can do this!

    Liked by 1 person

    • October 11, 2018 at 8:49 am

      I love that quote! Thank you so much for your kind words Anne and your very wise advice :O) x

      Liked by 1 person

      • October 13, 2018 at 4:50 am

        Just remember that you are sacred in this world, and someone somewhere would be extremely distraught if anything were to happen to you. I know I would for sure. Life really is good if you make it so, and we all can do that.

        Liked by 1 person

      • October 13, 2018 at 5:16 am

        Very wise words, thank you Anne πŸ˜ŠπŸ™ x

        Like

  18. October 13, 2018 at 10:47 am

    This is a great blog πŸ™‚ You are so genuine & I can feel it, full of energy!
    I am really happy I found you!! Lots of stuff to read πŸ™‚

    Take care & have a good day!

    Liked by 1 person

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