What Do You Do For You?

How much of what you do is based on ‘ought’ or ‘should’? How much of your time is spent wondering how what you do will affect others? How often do you not do something that you would love to do in favour of doing something to please someone else? Is your first thought before wearing something, saying something, writing something ‘will they like it?’ If so, I have a question for you…..

Why?

Yes we all have to live as part of a society and without maintaining certain niceties we would find ourselves ostracized but why do we sacrifice ourselves on the alter of public acceptance? We all feel obligated to do certain things without having any desire to do them and sometimes that stems from kindness and generosity but what if it comes from a fear of rejection or criticism? What will ultimately be achieved if we seek to please others at the expense of pleasing ourselves?

To turn that around, what do we get from conforming with our perceptions of what others want? A compliment? Gratitude? Friendship? Love? The first two, almost certainly but do we really want our friends or lovers to fall for  the mask that we wear or our true selves? If our relationships are based purely on taking pleasure from seeing the joy on another’s face, aren’t we just living vicariously? Wouldn’t the relationship be better served from both parties feeling joy?

It may be that, if you live your life for you and reveal only your true self to others that you will lose friends or lovers along the way but if they loved you purely because you held up a mirror to their desires, have you really lost? We all make compromises along the way but if the thought of  ‘ought’ or ‘should’ gives you no pleasure, find something positive that you can take from the experience or don’t do it.

People tell us how to live and even how to die but, the funny thing is, they can’t do either of those things for us………..

A life without rules can be chaos but living by someone else’s rules is to live life as though it were a preview to something else, the trailer before the main event. When the final curtain descends, the crowd won’t be there to applaud your performance, you’ll be alone on stage; don’t then look around and wonder why all the scenery is for someone else’s play…..

What do you think? Is a selfless life the most rewarding of all or should we live for ourselves, without bringing any harm to others of course, because we will only ever have one crack at this? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you.

Lisa x

  15 comments for “What Do You Do For You?

  1. September 1, 2018 at 8:06 am

    If you don’t have it,you can’t give it. Meaning you have to look after yourself so that you are able to give. If you give without thinking you will have nothing and thus nothing to give. Treat yourself as good as you treat others. Find your personal balance.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. September 1, 2018 at 10:07 am

    I can’t agree with you more. Living life in someone else’s term is what I call an ostensible life. You wrote this beautifully

    Liked by 1 person

  3. September 1, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    I think that there has to be a balance. Like, I have to censor my language in front of mom & other polite company; and I tend to tone down my crazy when I dress to go certain places. However, I still find ways to let my true self shine through.
    Ultimately, i have to put myself first, because nobody else is going to out me first. By making sure I take care of myself and stay true to myself, I am ensuring that I am able to interact with society in ways that don’t cause harm.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. September 1, 2018 at 9:52 pm

    Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. (Oscar Wilde)

    There are times when we have to conform, and times when we do things against our better judgement. As we get older, most of us lose our inhibitions and get a more devil may care attitude.

    In the UK we seem to have nurtured a couple of generations who, mostly, have little regard for society, or other individuals, and that is a sad state of affairs. I know that is a huge generalisation and that there are lots of caring, sharing folk around.

    I have generally tried to live as selfless a life as possible, and have found it immensely rewarding. I will not, however, ever sell all I possess and give everything to those less fortunate than me!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. September 2, 2018 at 2:37 pm

    Thankfully, I don’t have to choose—there is a middle road! I think society would crumble (it’s already at risk), if we didn’t observe at least a few basic rules. Of course, we should first look after ourselves, or there won’t be much to give to others!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. September 3, 2018 at 1:46 am

    if you can do this while leading a virtuous life with consideration of others (respect not validation) then I am all for it

    Liked by 1 person

  7. September 3, 2018 at 2:54 am

    This post left me with so many thoughts. I’ve been struggling with my relationship with those around me lately, and I think it comes down to the fact I’m so scared of being alone. I feel deprived of company, and I’m too willing to change myself to be what I think people want me to be. However, doing so has hurt me, and I keep blaming those around me for not appreciating my efforts. What I’ve done is I’ve embittered myself. Maybe what I need is to pause and reflect awhile longer.

    This was a great post. Thank you making me think a bit extra today 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • September 3, 2018 at 4:37 am

      The problem with changing to be what we think others want us to be is that we can only assume what they want and, as we can’t see inside someone else’s head we never really get it right. The result is that they’re disappointed and so are we.
      I’m glad the post helped, I hope your relationship works out for the better and I really appreciate you taking the time to comment 😊 x

      Like

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