Just Do it 3 Times……

Have you ever read something on the internet and thought ‘that just has to be a joke’ and then you realise that it isn’t and you start banging your head gently on the nearest hard surface and wondering when everyone went mad? It’s never anything major, just a little something which immediately brings to mind the immortal words of John McEnroe, “You cannot be serious!”

You cannot be seriousThe latest of theseย seems to be an attempt to alter basic biology whilst at the same time making men feel guilty about something that is in no way their fault. It’s lauded as being a way to ‘bring colleagues together’. What am I talking about? The menopause. Apparently it should not be a ‘women only‘ issue. Hmmmmmm? How’s that going to work then?

Is someone going to follow all the men in the office with a portable steamer in hand and shove it down the front of their shirt every hour or so? Will their skin be given a good going over with sand paper and then blasted with salt every few days? Will they be woken up in the middle of the night by someone drenching them in warm water? Perhaps someone will invent a mood destabiliser that will take their emotional state from ‘I love you so much’ to ‘Will you stop annoying me! If you have to breathe do it quietly’ in a matter of minutes. There could be a scientists out their right now working out how to artificially dry out their lady bits……oh no wait they don’t have lady bits…….

Nope we can forget all that, apparently the way to bring colleagues together is for men to say ‘menopause’ during the working day, preferably 3 times; presumably they then click their red slippers and instantly have a hot flush. What the actual F is wrong with these people?????? Is there more to it than that you ask, well yes there is; does it make any more sense you’re wondering? No, it doesn’t.

The other thing menopausal women can do to help colleagues understand their symptoms is to jot them down in a communal book, I wonder how that would read?

“I just accidentally sat on a spider and now it’s dead, I can’t stop crying”

“If John from accounting doesn’t stop with that ridiculous laugh of his I’m going to go over there and force feed him his stapler”

“I’ve just taken off 4 of my 5 layers of clothing, my hair’s all over the place, I’m sweating, my face is like a boiled beetroot and someone just had a go at me for wearing my vest in the office…..and now I’m freezing, has anyone seen my jumper?”

“I think I’m going to have to stock up on my supply of KY jelly on the way home”

“My boobs are going to end up touching my navel at this rate”

“When did my skin start looking so old”

I have to scream nowIt could be one woman jotting all this down before lunchtime. Please tell me how it will be of any benefit at all to her male colleagues to have this kind of insight? Would the women in the office benefit from knowing, in lurid detail, the emotional and psychological problems caused by erectile disfunction? Perhaps companies could start a book for that:

“Vigorous stimulation last night caused slight friction burns and I think I’ve got a touch of RSI”

“Is it wrong that I only succeeded last night by visualising Joan in the warehouse, sitting on the forktruck in nothing but thigh high waders?”

Perhaps, instead, we should stop all of this bloody nonsense and remember that men and women are different and no amount of sharing or chanting the word ‘menopause’ 3 times a day is going to change that.

What do you think? Is this a forward thinking initiative or a load of old bollocks?

I’d love to hear from you :O)

Lisa x

 

 

 

 

  16 comments for “Just Do it 3 Times……

  1. August 22, 2018 at 10:19 am

    We ditched cable a few years ago. It helped ;). Cheers !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. August 22, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Excuse me Lisa while I go into the corner and sob my heart out!
    If you’re interested I have some pertinent facts about prostates, and I did experience a small vibrator! You will feel much better if you read all about it!

    https://pollymermaid.wordpress.com/2017/03/04/two-fingers-and-a-small-vibrator/

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 22, 2018 at 2:16 pm

      ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ you do make me laugh Peter! Iโ€™m not sure how much I want or need to know about prostates but Iโ€™m going to have a look out of sheer curiosity ๐Ÿ˜‰ xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. August 22, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    This made me laugh… me to huband’s mates – ‘I’ll go and put the kettle on’ ( and open the back door, step out in the frost and rip my clothes off – hopefully to have cooled off by the time the kettle’s boiled. )
    My son-in-law who is a secondary school teacher said women teachers should be allowed to take time off or part time hours when they are suffering the menopause and explain to pupils how it makes them feel ( and why the class think you are a nasty…. ) I replied that would seem to make them not equally capable as men to do their job and who would want to discuss their menopause with sneering teenagers!

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 22, 2018 at 4:19 pm

      Yes been there done that ๐Ÿ˜‰
      I think youโ€™re right, I canโ€™t imagine youโ€™re average teenager being in the least understanding and why would be want to worry them so early on in life ๐Ÿ˜‡ xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. August 22, 2018 at 5:20 pm
    • August 22, 2018 at 5:36 pm

      Iโ€™m not sure I want to look ๐Ÿ˜ณ

      Like

    • August 22, 2018 at 5:38 pm

      Oh dear God!!!! Got half way through and had to stop reading; he may as well have come up with the idea of vaginal stapling ๐Ÿ˜ฒ

      Like

    • August 22, 2018 at 5:39 pm

      But actually no, believe it or not it was a woman who came up with this particular horseshit

      Like

  5. August 26, 2018 at 1:19 pm

    I can tell you one thing – John Macnoree brought back old memories. A lovely read ๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

  6. August 31, 2018 at 12:23 am

    Holy shit that was funny. Don’t even get me started on the whole gender dysmorphia we are going through. I can, despite not having a vagina, relate to all of those and that was, again, really funny

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 31, 2018 at 5:26 am

      Coming from you thatโ€™s a big compliment ๐Ÿ˜ yes itโ€™s a little silly sometimes isnโ€™t it? Thanks Billy xxx

      Like

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