You Should………

Do you find that, everywhere you look these days, there is someone telling you ‘you should’? There are millions of ads, books, magazine articles and, yes, blogs which all tell us how we ‘should’ be living our lives. Your glass ‘should’ be half full, you ‘should’ believe in yourself, keeping moving forward, take risks, get out of your comfort zone, be responsible for your own happiness……..

Most of the time I will read these messages avidly and try to tailor my thoughts and emotions so that I can keep my face towards the sunshine while the shadows fall behind me. I try to live as if I were going to die tomorrow and examine my life so I know it’s worth living. I bear in mind that problems are gifts that will help me to grow. I’ve read the books, watched the videos and walked across hot coals and, for the most part, it works…..

Today it’s not working. Today I think that I ‘should’ be with my husband and I have no other thought than that. No amount of mental arse-kicking will push me out of my comfort zone and into the oncoming traffic of rainbow coloured unicorns! It’s been more than four years now that I’ve done the things that I ‘should’, to feel better, to feel happy but still it all fails to take root. All it takes is a word, a song, a smell and I am plunged back into the stinking pit of pain and misery that kept me prisoner for so long.

“It is not my situation but how I react to it that matters”

Tomorrow would have been my husband’s 63rd birthday. We would have organised a night away in a hotel, a great bottle of wine, a fantastic meal. I would have spent weeks thinking about something original to buy him and he would have insisted on some kind of power tool, the same as he did every year. We would have dressed up to the nines and spent the evening together, no-one else, just the two of us……..

“Happiness is a choice, I can choose to be happy”

Instead, I feel as though my heart, that I have tried so carefully to put back together, is breaking into little pieces all over again. I ‘should’ be grateful for the good things I have in my life now, I ‘should’ remember that I was lucky to be so loved, I ‘should’ remember all our happy times together, I ‘should’ let you go so that I can move on.

There are lots of things that I ‘should’ do but today I can’t, I just can’t.

Lisa x

  37 comments for “You Should………

  1. August 15, 2018 at 7:56 am

    Sometimes we have days like that. I have a lot of them myself. I take each day as it comes. I’m so happy you have shared this post. I feel so alone sometimes like I’m the only one that feels this way. Thank you for helping me to feel less lonely. It’s nice to that I don’t have to feel alone. Have a great day today! You are loved.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. August 15, 2018 at 8:15 am

    I don’t have the words that I should say to you. Just take care.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. blindzanygirl
    August 15, 2018 at 8:27 am

    Bless you Lisa. You ‘should’ only be yourself. JUST as you feel. I am so sorry about your husband. I did not know. I so agree with all that you have said, and have said it in different ways on my own blog sometimes. Yes, we get fed ip with all those cup half full bits and pieces, and all the other stuff that we are fed to get over our pain. But sometimes we need to just be there in it. Yes, it passes, to a degree, but never completely. Mine doesn’t either, and some days I feel like screaming at having to be positive or whatever and see unicorns! Sorry you are having such a time Lisa. Hugs. X

    Liked by 1 person

  4. August 15, 2018 at 9:25 am

    Often it’s difficult to express after reading such a strong and meaningful content

    Liked by 1 person

  5. August 15, 2018 at 11:41 am

    You know what? I hate all the messaging about what we “should” do. It makes us feel like our live are supposed to be all pinterest-perfect and happy happy joy joy.
    Except life doesn’t work like that. Life is messy. People are complex. Nothing is ever one-note.
    If you can’t feel happy today, then that’s perfectly ok. You are coping with a loss, and loss hurts. If you can’t feel happy today, there is nothing wrong with feeling exactly what you’re feeling.
    (((hugs)))

    Liked by 2 people

  6. August 15, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    I’m not in a position to give advice, only to wish you comfort. This post hits a nerve with me because I am entirely fed up with people forcing their opinions and beliefs on others. Opinions and advice should be given only when asked for. I recently had a situation where my mother’s friend had the audacity to tell my mother that she shouldn’t date because “she already had her true love” in my late father. It hurt her and pissed me off. You need to live, love, think, breathe and grieve your way. Peace

    Liked by 3 people

    • August 15, 2018 at 2:23 pm

      Thanks for those kind words Billy; I would have been pissed off with your mum’s friend too xx

      Liked by 1 person

  7. August 15, 2018 at 3:48 pm

    I think you should feel how you feel. End of story.

    Sorry for your loss. Hoping the memories help make his birthday a bit brighter even though he’s not there with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. August 15, 2018 at 4:46 pm

    Healing prayers and buckets of love coming through, right at you!❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  9. August 15, 2018 at 6:05 pm

    The worst “shoulds” are when someone says “you should move on,” or “you should be over it by now.” Grief comes on suddenly, sometimes for reasons known only to you. My husband passed away more than 5 years ago, but some days it seems more like 5 days ago. I hope you’re able to find comfort today in your memories. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  10. August 15, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    You can’t…..and why should you?
    Hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. August 15, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    The only thing you should do is acknowledge your feelings and why and keep pressing forward. You got this!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. August 16, 2018 at 1:18 am

    sending you loving thoughts………..

    Liked by 1 person

  13. August 16, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    Breaks my heart to read this Lisa, you don’t deserve such sadness. Sending you muchly ginormous hugs. If you want to talk please get in touch OK? x

    Liked by 1 person

  14. August 16, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    Four words for this post, I can feel you. All I can say is this that I wish everything works out for you. Best wishes for you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  15. August 20, 2018 at 1:46 am

    I know you don’t know me from adam, or bill, or tom…etc, so I won’t pretend that I have any advice for you, but I would still like to offer you a hug if it will help

    Liked by 1 person

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