Do You Like You?

It’s a pretty important question, after all you have to spend 24/7 with you so is it a joy or do you sometimes wish that you could tell you to just shut the F up and leave you alone? Do you love to just go out with you, do some shopping and have a coffee with you or do you try to make a dash for the front door and pray that you doesn’t notice that you’ve gone?

I’m going to be honest, totally honest………..Ok that’s not as easy as I thought it would be. Oh shit what do I write here? If I say I don’t really like myself (which is the truth) I’ve just written down something utterly negative which will do nothing to improve my self-esteem (or lack thereof). On the other hand, if I say I do like myself………well, to be blunt I’d be lying. There I’ve said it. The thousands of pounds that I’ve spent on self-improvement books and motivational videos and CD’s was just a complete waste of money which could obviously have been put to much better use in a shoe shop.

Julia RobertsRight, I’ve had a cup of coffee and a think and what it boils down to is that I don’t trust other people and I don’t have enough faith in myself to believe them when they say nice things about me. Do you remember the quote in Pretty Woman “if people put you down enough you start to believe them?” well, that sums it up. I didn’t ‘fit in’ as a kid, for many reasons that I won’t bore you with, and I was bullied as a result so I tried to change myself in order be accepted. As you might imagine that was a dismal failure but I kept it up for years and then got hit by depression and a feeling of not really knowing who I was – well no shit Sherlock!

I suppose that’s driven by a feeling of inadequacy. I wasn’t joking about the money I’ve spent on self-improvement (Christian Louboutin would be crushed if he knew how much he’d lost out!) and I’ve followed all the advice religiously but I never seem to quite get a version of me that I’m satisfied with. I know what to do on an intellectual level but I never seem to absorb whatever it is that they’re trying to tell me…….

I’ll give you an example and this is intensely personal so don’t tell anyone else please. The first time (and possibly only time for reasons that will become apparent) that my husband told me I was beautiful I went up the wall! I was furious. He wasn’t best chuffed by my reaction as you can imagine and the worst part, the awful, frustrating part was that I couldn’t explain why I was so annoyed. I’m thinking about it now and I believe it stems back to being teased about my appearance when I was a kid; my nose was too big, my legs were chunky etc etc. It was probably just kids being kids but I believed what they said ergo when I was told I was beautiful it could only have been because I was being mocked, laughed at and I guess I was waiting for the punchline…….perhaps, when it comes to compliments, I’m still always waiting for the punchline…….

Inner fucking peaceWriting this I am beginning to realise how cathartic blogging can be; I don’t really like me because I compare myself to others and find myself wanting (punches the air in a moment of epiphany). Other people are more interesting, more confident, calmer, funnier; less prone to being stroppy, introspective, stand-offish and miserable. Other people are spiritual, they have found an inner peace that I crave with all my being and try so hard to find. How many hours have I spent sitting on the floor with my legs crossed chanting Om? How much time do I dedicate to exercise, to being outdoors? I’ve listened to Tony Robbins, Osho, Sadguru and Dale Carnegie until my ears are raw and my brain is filled with great advice for being happy and contented but it just doesn’t stick….

That’s not true, some of it sticks, like the ‘if you are happy, you will attract people to you’, ‘no-one likes being around a misery guts’…….hang on a minute, that doesn’t sound like a world famous life coach, that sounds like my mum!???? There you go – another realisation – I believe that I need to be happy all the time if people are going to love me. It’s great when I am happy but it’ not easy to fake it when I’m not and, the trouble is, when people think that you’re a happy go lucky, fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl and then they realise that you’re really not they tend to go off you. So, that leaves me with being happy (sometimes faked) = being loved and being sad = being lonely; the obvious answer then is to be happy all the time…………

Perhaps I try too hard…..yep there’s no perhaps about it but what else can I do??? Maybe just accept that I am who I am, warts and all (not literally…..WHY am I so shallow, I didn’t need to point that out; if I was a better person I wouldn’t care if I had warts!). Maybe I should take myself off to a desert island and spend a few weeks alone to truly find myself…..aaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!! PANIC!!! Ok, no, that’s not going to happen any time soon

I don’t know what the answer is so I think I’m going to stop thinking about it and go shoe shopping…..

That was another lie, I will keep thinking about it because it bugs me and, until I get to the bottom of it all, I won’t stop trying to become someone that I can live with rather than someone I find slightly embarrassing and, frankly, a bit irritating.

If you love yourself, please tell me, help me to understand…….HOW?

Lisa

x

  17 comments for “Do You Like You?

  1. June 9, 2018 at 10:00 am

    Excellent. Enjoyed reading this. I don’t think that one has to necessarily love oneself, but it is certainly better than loathing oneself.

    Mike

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tito Jay
    June 9, 2018 at 10:02 am

    Mac Davis sung:

    “Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
    When you’re perfect in every way
    I can’t wait to look in the mirror
    Cause I get better lookin’ each day
    To know me is to love me
    I must be a hell of a man
    Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
    But I’m doin’ the best that I can!”

    Read more: Mac Davis – It’s Hard To Be Humble Lyrics | MetroLyrics

    Perhaps if you google the song it will make you smile! My wife is the same way even though she is absolutely beautiful and men hit on her all the time. I think most straight men think they look pretty good even if we don’t. My theory is that men by nature myself included are extremely shallow and judgmental on how others look that people trying to look good to them get kind of paranoid trying to look good. My take on your article is it is mainly about outer beauty correct me if I am wrong.

    Peace

    Tito Jay

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 9, 2018 at 11:07 am

      Hi Jay how’re you doing? I know the song and I like it :O) To be honest, no, it’s not all about looks, it’s more about being happy with who I am – I’m a great second guesser and a bit of a people pleaser in some ways. If people around me are happy, I tend to be happy; I really don’t like confrontation so I tend to bow down and give in when really I’d like to stand my ground. Saying that I can also be pretty stubborn ;O) I think the real problem is that I don’t know myself very well which is a bit strange considering how long I’ve known me,…. :O) x

      Like

  3. June 9, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    Well, if you’ve read my latest (https://www.tombeingtom.com/me-and-you/) you probably already suspect my answer to that question. 😉

    But I didn’t always. I spent a fortune on self-improvement literature myself, and I have stacks of notebooks (still on my desk shelf!) going through DAILY rituals of trying to understand, and accept, me. I mean, I’ve always had kind of a soft spot for me, maybe even a bit of a crush, but I didn’t truly LOVE me.

    I began to, quite naturally, a few years back. Maybe all that info piled up in my head was processing and finally produced the output I sought after so much input. Maybe I just stopped trying and just started being. Maybe I started to believe the new people in my life more than the old people in my life, and I think that’s a big key.

    So believe this one new person in your life, Lisa: you are amazing. Be Lisa and love that person for who she is. For as long as you’re alive for the rest of your life, love you.*

    *Speaking of which, have you ever read Kamal Ravikant’s “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It”? Or his follow-up “Live Your Truth”? Amazing!

    Like

    • June 9, 2018 at 2:45 pm

      I did read your latest and YOU just flowed out from it as did your happiness with being you (if you see what I mean) 😊. I think you’re right about having the right people around you and I know I need to love me more (or at least like me more). To be honest I think it’s missing the love of my husband that’s causing me so many problems at the moment- I was me with him and happy. Since I lost him i’m a bit lost……
      I need to keep writing (which really helps) and talking to you guys ( who are lovely) and realize that being happy is a lot more important than being perfect.
      Thanks Tom, as always, you’ve put me back on the right path 😘 I don’t know that book at all, I’ll give it a go x

      Liked by 3 people

  4. June 12, 2018 at 6:31 am

    Life is all about re-discovering oneself. I don’t know why but I treat myself as the actress/director of my life. It’s hard to explain but because I am living it, I feel I am the writer of my own story. Happy or sad, sometimes we can change it by the way we think. So I guess maybe I don’t like myself 100% but then no one is perfect . Right? In fact no one should be perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. June 25, 2018 at 3:28 pm

    It wasn’t until I purposely stayed single for several years that I ended up learning to be “ok”with myself. I actually learned to enjoy my own company. As far as being ok with my looks,that has become tougher as I grow older. My confidence just isn’t there anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 25, 2018 at 4:33 pm

      I know exactly what you mean about spending time alone and for losing confidence in looks as we get older but I find I’m more confident in myself if you know what I mean – Is that the same for you? Thanks so much for taking the time to comment 😊

      Liked by 2 people

      • June 25, 2018 at 5:29 pm

        yes that makes sense. More confident in myself as a person, but not with what I see in the mirror, it doesn’t match how I feel. I still feel young, lol Except for the hotflashes, those make me feel old, lol

        Liked by 2 people

      • June 25, 2018 at 6:04 pm

        Yep totally agree with all of that and those hot flashes are a bitch but I’ve found vitamin E works pretty well in case you haven’t tried it 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • June 26, 2018 at 3:27 pm

        thank you,I didn’t know that vitamin e helps. I will talk to dr about it. I hesitate because of the bleeding risk with vitamin e since I’m on other meds that can also thin the blood

        Liked by 2 people

      • June 26, 2018 at 3:31 pm

        Yep always better to have a chat with the doc first 😊 good luck

        Liked by 1 person

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