What’s Wrong with Porn?

I like watching porn every now and again and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I don’t watch it very often but I can honestly say I can’t see anything wrong with it; is that an outdated view I wonder? Many young people, especially women, seem to think that it is wrong on just about every level – it’s the objectification of women, sex should only be between two committed people, it’s tainting the act of love and so on and so forth but many also seem to feel threatened by it. Just as women can become insecure about their own bodies when they see perfectly proportioned, eternally young, superstars at every turn, it appears that their insecurity is also fueled when they see their boyfriends reactions to female porn stars. Apparently they question their own appearance and, above all, their own sexual prowess….

Screen Kiss

Does true love really encourage you to stand in the pouring rain or is it just another Hollywood romance?

But, here’s the thing, when all is said and done, porn films are films just like any other – they are not real life, nor meant to be a reflection of real life. It’s like the screen portrayal of love; the two central characters are always beautiful, invariably young and you know that, whatever trials and tribulations the story throws at them, they will end up in each others arms, pledging eternal devotion to each other by the end of the film. Either that or, if it’s a sad romantic film, one of them will die. There is no real deviation from those story lines, even the charming and much maligned Pretty Woman fitted the profile, it’s just that she was a hooker and he was insanely rich. It’s not meant to be a portrayal of real life, it’s meant to be entertaining and its exactly the same with porn!  Just as none of us really expect to be swept of our feet by a gorgeous billionaire, we don’t really expect the sex we have to be like it is in a blue film i.e. moaning and groaning for 45 minutes with the guy who popped by to fix the washing machine! We know that, during the course of our 45 minutes (or 15 or 5), we are unlikely to arrange ourselves into 20 different positions and we know that if we were heavy breathing for the entire time, as seems to be the case in most porn movies we’d probably end up hyperventilating and passing out!

Onto the subject of objectification and, I’ll admit, it’s a tricky one. Firstly, IF the sex shown is non-violent and between consenting adults who are, when all is said and done, doing a job that they are paid for then I would say that it’s a personal choice for those who perform and those who view. Some critics say that porn encourages men to view women as mere things but I would say that, if that is correct, then the same must hold true for the way that women view men. A porn film is designed to titillate and to provoke a physical response; it’s not meant to be a deep analysis of the emotional interactions between men and women. domanatrixThat said, films that depict violence against women are another thing entirely and, I would suggest that they are less about sex than about power and domination of one person over another. I don’t believe that adults looking for a little visual stimulation would really be interested in that type of film as they have very little to do with sex per se. However, we should also consider that, dominatrix (people who punish or inflict pain on others at their behest) are, invariably, women which goes completely against the widely held belief that women are naturally submissive in the sex act.

Many people who hold strong religious beliefs feel that sex is something that should only take place between those who are in a loving and committed marriage and I can completely respect that opinion if they can also respect the fact that people who chose to have sex outside marriage or watch pornography should not be condemned for doing so. The physical act of love is just that; one does not need to be in love to enjoy the intense physical pleasure that sex can provide and, by the same token, two people can love each other deeply but have no real appreciation for each other physically. As for sex and pornography being sins, my personal belief is that if God created our bodies in such a way that we find pleasure in sex, he did it on purpose. I don’t mean this to be offensive in any way at all but there is so much hatred and violence in the world today, why shouldn’t we take our pleasures where we can?

Another issue is the effect that porn can supposedly have on a woman’s self-image and her beliefs about her sexual prowess. Firstly, a question, do you doubt your partner’s love for you when they admire someone in a film? Going back to Pretty Woman, did it make you feel inadequate, unlovable, undesirable or were you too busy laughing or admiring her sass in the famous shopping scene to even give a thought to what your partner was thinking? Why should a porn film be any different? Ok, the laughs may be fewer and there’s usually not much shopping but still, what actors portray on screen should have no effect on how you see yourself – it’s make believe. Male size.jpgSecondly, if anyone is questioning their sexual prowess it will be the males watching! We sometimes forget that many men put themselves under extreme pressure to satisfy a woman and it’s common knowledge that the size of their ‘equipment’ is often a serious concern for them. Yet here they are watching men who are probably better endowed than they are (size does matter in porn films apparently) satisfying women (if their moans are anything to go by) with apparent ease. When it comes to insecurities I generally believe that men and women are really no different.

Natural born killers.jpgLastly, do porn films encourage men to degrade or be violent towards women? I think that encourage is the wrong word; if men have a natural proclivity towards that type of behaviour and they have no real moral compass then I think they could persuade themselves that it is acceptable. However, the same holds true of many types of film; if someone is an incurable romantic then they could spend their whole life searching for the kind of love that only exists in films and miss out entirely in real life, rejecting one person after another because they don’t fit within their ideal of a perfect relationship. The same applies to violent films; someone who is naturally aggressive and lacking in normal social boundaries could eventually be led to believe that their behaviour is not wrong when it is “normalised” in films like Natural Born Killers or Rambo.

Films that depict consenting adults having sex and enjoying it are, in my view, doing no harm, that said, films involving children or violence, for me, do not fall within that genre; pedophilia and depictions of rape should be known for what they are.

I was prompted to write this piece after reading a really thought provoking article by BeautyBeyondBones so thanks to her for the inspiration :O) x

  22 comments for “What’s Wrong with Porn?

  1. May 12, 2018 at 9:35 am

    I agree with you completely. I once read a similar article that argued it is actually the MALE porn actors who are objectified. The, quite logical, reasoning being that it is usually only one part of the mans anatomy in any shot and the rest of him is treated as unimportant. Makes you think doesn’t it?

    What (often female) commentators on this subject forget is that biologically men are hardwired for visual stimuli in arousal but women often less so. This leads to women not really understanding why men especially get turned on by porn.

    It amuses me that any man caught looking at a skimpily dressed woman risks being called a pervert when actually ‘perversion’ is defined as unnatural sexual activity and nothing could be more natural than this. Openly leering is a different matter.

    Like

  2. Tito Jay
    May 12, 2018 at 10:04 am

    Hi,

    This is an excellent article written on a subject few would take on in a blog. I thoroughly enjoyed your thoughts on porn, which I have heard is a big thing on the internet. I am not going to be as transparent as you, but I appreciate that you shared your thoughts!

    Peace

    Tito Jay

    Like

    • May 12, 2018 at 3:01 pm

      Thanks for your comment Tito Jay – I really appreciate you taking the time x

      Like

  3. May 12, 2018 at 5:20 pm

    Couldn’t agree with you more for the most part! Well said!!!

    Like

  4. May 12, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    First, I want to say thank you for being open and honest on your opinions about this. It takes guts to be open about this and say “wait, what’s the problem? Why is everyone freaking out about this?” You’re right. Many women do feel threatened by those things. That when a man (or woman really) views porn their partner feels uncomfortable and betrayed that their significant other is getting their sexual pleasure and stimulation through other means.

    You mentioned that you don’t watch porn frequently, so it’s not much of a problem in your life. Which is awesome! I think the problems begin when porn becomes highly addictive and intrusive changing a person’s habits, thoughts, and lifestyle because of it. I’ve known several couples who were negatively affected and eventually divorced because of the heavy usage of porn. I obviously don’t know the full story, because I’m not them. But there is quite a bit of research happening that’s beginning to reveal what exactly porn is doing to people. Not necessarily how it’s making women feel, but how it’s affecting the viewer negatively physically, mentally, and even emotionally. And how heavy usage does change aspects of their brain and how they see the world, themselves, and their relationships. Especially how it’s affecting younger teens and pre-teens who are more susceptible to becoming highly addicted to it.

    Also, are the adults in porn always consenting or know exactly what they’re getting into? That’s hard to know unless you’re there in person watching the filming process. You’re right that porn is fake like a movie. Looking for the kinds of relationships that we find in film that are the happily ever after isn’t exactly realistic or healthy. But, I don’t think those movies have the same highly addictive effects that porn does. Granted, I am a woman and I am religious. As you have stated I have my biases. But I think it is important to note that heavy usage of porn can have an effect on someone’s life like a drug or any kind of addictive substance.

    I think it’s important for everyone (myself included lol) to do more research about it to understand what exactly it’s doing to us and to keep having these conversations. Is it good? Is it bad? How good or bad? How does it scientifically affect us in ways we can measure? How much is too much? Or is there too much? Should we watch porn at all? How susceptible are we to becoming addicted or not? So that it no longer becomes an emotionally charged argument between the sexes (which seems to be the case frequently) but that arguments can be scientifically backed up and proven saying hey, this actually is pretty bad and here’s why. Or this really isn’t so bad what’s the fuss? Me personally I don’t like porn. (Again, female, religious :P) and I believe it can hurt people and their relationships like becoming an alcoholic who can’t hold their liquor or heavy drug user who doesn’t feel like they can function without it. But I need to do more research.

    Again, thank you for taking the time to think about and post this. It makes me want to do more research and understand the effects of porn. Take care!

    Like

    • May 13, 2018 at 5:57 am

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment Juliet and also for being so open about your feelings on the subject. Porn, although, not in film format has existed, for thousands of years – if you look back at some of the artwork that was produced in Ancient Rome or Greece you will find many images that we may consider pornographic. The Karma Sutra was, again, written in ancient times and the illustrations are extremely graphic. I don’t think that porn or erotic images are the problem, I think that our attitudes to sex are the problem – if it is viewed as something ‘dirty’ or something that we ‘shouldn’t’ be watching it will become all the more appealing to people of a certain mindset. At the end of the day, the human race wouldn’t continue if we all stopped having sex – it’s a completely natural act – so why should viewing the act on film be something to be despised? As for addiction to porn; if your partner is playing video games 24/7 or plays golf every day of the week or insists on watching Friends re-runs every day, your relationship will be ruined because they are excluding you a big part of their lives – constantly watching porn will do the same thing. As for it changing attitudes to sex, I honestly don’t know, maybe if one partner is keen to experiment and takes inspiration from porn and the other has no desire to change anything, I can see that it would cause problems but,again, this is more about lack of communication between the couple than anything else.
      With regard to the participants being willing or not, I think that the industry would not have survived as long as it has if everyone was coerced into it but I do accept that there a certain films which are essentially about violence and dominance and not about sex where the participants will have been forced into it but that’s a different subject entirely. I view porn in the same way as I would an erotic image or a titillating book – it’s something that provides visual stimulation which is pleasurable and natural
      Thanks so much once again for your comments and I hope that you have a super day :O) x

      Liked by 2 people

      • May 13, 2018 at 5:03 pm

        Hey same to you! And thank you for your reply. It is true, sex is a beautiful and natural thing. Lol the human race definitely would have died off without it. The history of porn has been around for a long time, but the history of the internet and smart phones has not. Which might change the frequency and intensity of porn watching for many people. Which creates more opportunities for that 24/7 scenario you mentioned. Doesn’t mean that everyone does that or even the people who do that are evil or anything lol. It’s just not healthy at all. And true, violent domination is a different subject entirely and that’s probably more geared towards lack of consent, but I don’t know. Sex slaves and sex trading is a real thing. For that I’m not just talking about a porn film, but just the things that you can find online. Again don’t know 🙂 For changing attitudes towards sex, I want to study that more. But I think if people are addicted to porn some studies show that it becomes harder and harder to be aroused by their significant other. They have to watch more and more porn in order to satisfy that need. It almost becomes compulsive. And I think that’s what a lot of women are afraid of including BeautyBeyondBones. Not that people watch the occasional porn like reading a titillating book, but that if the person doesn’t have self control and needs more of it, can’t stop, and blocks their significant other from open communication. That can open a floodgate of problems for both parties. And it’s possible that the porn industry is creating the product to make it easier to be addicted just like a yummy potato chip or fries. You can’t just have one. But that’s an assumption. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to respond! I really appreciate just having this conversation. Also I got that info about the compulsive behavior from this article if you want to read it

        Like

      • May 13, 2018 at 5:56 pm

        Hi again 😊 I think that you’re right about the problems caused by the internet in that it can encourage obsessive behavior. I also think that it has changed perceptions on many levels, many of them bad unfortunately. It also encourages mob mentality and I believe that many who have borderline personality disorders are tipped over the edge in a bid to be accepted into online communities such as those that deal with sex trafficking. Again, with regard to the addiction to porn, I think you’re right it’s like any other – the more you indulge, the more you need. Every kind of fantasy is on offer online if you care to look and, whilst I agree that companies who promote illegal sexual acts should be hit with the full force of the law, there’s no supply without demand. Your comment has made me believe more strongly than ever that we need to take back personal responsibility for our actions and stop using the internet to hide behind. Rather than making the world more accessible to us, I’m convinced that it’s narrowing our views and distorting our realities. Well that’s gone off topic a bit, sorry, but it goes to show where these sort of discussions can lead – so glad that you took the time to respond again x

        Liked by 1 person

      • May 14, 2018 at 7:50 am

        True that and you’re welcome. Thank you too! I hope you have an amazing day.

        Like

      • May 14, 2018 at 8:18 am

        Ditto and I look forward to chatting again x

        Like

      • May 14, 2018 at 8:20 am

        Just so you know – I tried to access your site to see what else we can chat about and my computer alerted me that it may not be safe to do so – might be worth checking your end…….x

        Liked by 1 person

      • May 14, 2018 at 1:48 pm

        Well, that’s good to know. I’ll have to look into that. Thank you!

        Like

      • May 14, 2018 at 2:04 pm

        No problem, I thought you’d want to know x

        Like

      • May 14, 2018 at 2:20 pm

        Got it! Should be fixed now 🙂

        Like

      • May 14, 2018 at 3:05 pm

        Great 😊

        Like

      • May 13, 2018 at 5:09 pm
      • May 13, 2018 at 5:56 pm

        I’ll have a read, thanks Juliet x.

        Like

  5. May 21, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    I think another issue is the burgeoning younger generation who are growing up watching this stuff and not being able to articulate it and compartmentalize it as you can.
    It’s already being reflected in the amount of pre-school age rapes going on.
    I could be tempted to answer your question and say ‘Well, that’s what’s wrong with porn,’ but I’d think more accurate would be to say that’s what’s wrong with certain parents and society.

    Like

    • May 21, 2018 at 1:25 pm

      Thanks for your comment 😊 the fact that porn is available to children is definitely something that needs to be addressed, you’re absolutely right. I do feel that children these days are exposed to too many adult topics far too early

      Like

      • May 22, 2018 at 12:16 pm

        Amen.

        Like

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